LOVE, PLATONIC AND ALL.

I have been doing poetic pieces on a fairytale type of love because yohh, I am a lover girl. Today, on Valentine’s Day – I want to be more realistic, more honest, more open with the type of love I want to address. A friend told me, “You are too full of love and life to be half loved by someone.” We all like to focus on the romantic perspective of love and life, because, yes, it is beautiful, that we forget two other very important kinds of love. Platonic love and self-love. Digest them with me today.

Platonic love, I find, is more important and carries so much weight more than even Romantic love. The love that exists between bosom friends. Humans are in the habit of giving some things a higher priority than others. We tend to give romantic relationships a higher hand, putting all our efforts and putting in the work more than our platonic relationships. We struggle with balance, and while some of us have mastered this balance, a larger percentage of human beings struggle with it. The importance of my platonic relationships has come out clearer as I became an adult. Friends. This concept comes out as confusing – because many of us make it too complex. That is why we scream fake friends, snakes, demons, devils, hypocrites – when we ourselves may not even understand the concept of it. So, who is a friend?

A friend is a person with whom you have a bond of mutual affection. Take note of the word mutual because it plays a role in your platonic relationships. You have to be friends with people who consider you your friends. It is as simple as that. You meet as strangers, you get to know each other, if you feel you fit in with them, the bond builds itself, and you each make the commitment to be there as friends for each other and you show up for them – in various ways. Most of us tend to forget that these platonic relationships require work and a lot of work. You have to put in the efforts, consistently, in order for it to thrive. At the end of the day, if a fallout occurs in your life, after your family and sometimes even before your family, your friends are the ones who will hold you and help you figure it out. If you disagree, fam, get you some better friends.

How then, do you show this platonic love? It is as simple as knowing your friend and how they’d like you to show up for them and doing that. No, this is not just for females but for males too. Be it showing up to their events or games, promoting their undertakings, taking them out for drinks, playing video games together, going on trips and hikes together, dinners and brunches, picnics and hangouts, phone calls on the regular, supporting their musings however absurd- you do that.

My friends know I am huge on communication, but heavily dislike phone calls. So, I’ll wake up to almost fifteen voice messages. I’ll wake up to a paragraph. I’ll wake up to memes and reels. I’ll wake up to disturbing animations of myself. I’ll wake up to poetry and quotes. I’ll wake up to Pinterest pins. And I love how intentional we have become in our friendships – such that I will make a phone call to them, regardless of how much I dislike them, simply because I love them that much. I will get out of the house and go for that hangout despite not liking outdoors as much, I love them that much. I will show up for them twice as much, on the days they need twice the love, I love them that much. I will send a package of pancakes and cupcakes I made; I love them that much. I will write them poetry and songs; I love them that much. I will congratulate them on their wins as if they are mine, I love them. (To all my friends, this is a mini love letter). The greatest asset, aside from family, is my friends – and I have resonated with the kindest of souls and the sweetest of humans in the form of my friends, my support system, my peoples.

Your ways of showing love, are different from mine. But, put in the work. Platonic relationships also need work, they need effort, they need consistency, they need arguments, they need fights, they need forgiveness, they need support. Some of us lose good friendships and genuine people because we did not put in the work. Mutuality. Without that, you will always be lacking in friendships. So, today and every day, even as you invest in your romantic relationships, remember your platonic relationships. Platonic relationships are not an excuse for you to slack off and disappear simply because they are your friend. You do not get the luxury of popping in and out of your friends’ lives as you wish – that is a toxic trait you should work on. Your friends deserve the accountability- just because they are your friends does not give you the excuse of treating them as a doormat. Be intentional, be there and be intentional.

Most of you will disagree and say, if they are my friend, they will understand that I have my off-days and that I am busy. Yes, but did you communicate? Say that you are not in the right headspace and are sorting through things and it is not on them? How do you justify disappearing for months to years, and then popping right back? Maybe your friends would take it, but I would not. Fix such habits and invest in those friendships- because platonic love, it is beautiful. Put effort and you will see the absolute beauty and happiness in it.

On self-love, it is as simple as being so grateful and in tune with all parts of yourself, even the ones that are not so lovely and appreciating them. It is just as simple as falling in love with your beauty and your flaws and being authentically yourself, such that those flaws do not show as flaws anymore. Self-love is important because if you do not love yourself first, you are never going to believe that you are deserving of other forms of love, be it romantic or platonic. It starts with simple thing such as self-care, gifts, personal dates, rewards, positive thinking and personal time. My personal favorites are taking self-care days, taking myself on dates, buying myself monthly gifts and drinking lots and lots of water. How do you show yourself love? You can leave a comment – maybe I will borrow something for you.

Finally, you did not get flowers or chocolates, get yourself some. You did not get gifts, get yourself some. You could also do the same for your friends. Show someone you love, that you do love them. HUMANS ARE NOT TELEPATHIC – SPEAK UP. Invest in these forms of love and you will see your quality of life improving so so much.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! Here’s to more love from me to you. As a certified lover girl, you can send me flowers and gifts and books and poetry as I continue to wait on my prince charming from my favorite fantasy book. When you find someone with a RHYSAND type of character – hmu! I will fly to that specific place. Enough of my delulus – enjoy the day. Be happy today and always.

Featured image- Image by valeria_aksakova on Freepik