ANXIETY AND LIFE.

November is looking like a slow month, or is it just for me? Always a pleasure to have you take your time to read my blog.

The topic of the blog made you anxious, right? Don’t worry though, I was anxious while writing this. In fact I was still in the haze of a waning panic attack, but that’s a story for a bit later.

Anxiety, panic, nerves. That giant cloud of darkness in your head pulling you under. The web of your fears intricately woven together in your head. Whether we choose to admit it or not, anxiety is a big part of most of our lives. Life more often than not is accompanied by feelings of anxiety. It doesn’t matter whether it’s panicking over a test, talking in an event, facing someone, talking to someone you have a crush on, riding a bike or even crossing the road. It all is some form of anxiety however mild. Tensing or having nerves because of maybe the examples I have stated is very normal and okay, I mean a little stage fright is not so bad. Anxiety starts becoming a problem when it begins to get in the way of one’s daily activities.

Sometimes the small nervous feelings grow, and they spiral into something so huge (thanks to our brains) and at times they overwhelm and render us dysfunctional. At that point, well, no need to say, but one needs help.
I’m no expert here, I haven’t studied psychology as a course. However, from very personal experience, if one does not learn how to control it, anxiety can be a bitch (sorry for the cuss word) that can easily ruin you.

A while back, I never used to really socialise with people. Right now I’m a bit better, and I am not in any way saying that being an introvert is bad. I had social anxiety. It was very weird because I did not have stage fright, at all. I could present to a huge crowd. Even though I would picture them having bananas and peanuts instead of heads. Socialising with people is where I drew the line. I had a hard time talking to other people and well, I decided that had to change. As much as I loved my company, I wanted to have the friendship circles everyone had and well, I also needed my parents (my dad in particular) off my back about friends or my lack of. I began forcing myself to have longer conversations with people and even began forcing myself to attend social functions and events rather than sit at home and indulge in Paulo Cuelho’s books and Dan Brown. Eventually, I got better at it and while I still prefer my own company and maybe my teddy bear Kyle and Sally the doll’s at home to that of human beings, I can say my panic attacks over talking to people, making new friends and talking around people have reduced.

The point is, you can control anxiety. You don’t have to start big, or see a psychologist, but you also can, but you really can start small. Do not ignore the feelings of anxiety. Anxiety begins from fear. Face that fear.
Social anxiety comes from the fear that people will not like you or talk to you. Face it and start by talking to one new person then go from there. There may be a few failed attempts, some humans can be cold, but heyyy you did it, right? Performance anxiety is triggered by the fear to stand before a crowd and showcase what you have because you feel that maybe your work could be inadequate, or you feel lesser than you really are. Get up and start with a small crowd, could be a group of your friends and build from there. Shake off the mentality that you are not enough because goddamit you are.

The truth is, anxiety will always be there. You just don’t have to let it get in the path of the things you need to do and accomplish. Fight those dark thoughts and don’t let them pull you under. I am handling mine as I write this. Applauding myself😋👏.

Being a mistress of panic attacks, if you ever feel like you are about to have a panic attack, or you know you are in a situation that could trigger one, here are some tips.

1. Always carry something you can fidget with. You could get a fidget spinner, a piece of plasticine, a squishy ball, a piece of string. Just something you can toy around with absent-mindedly as you try to distract yourself from the anxious feelings.
2. Find a happy memory or a joyful fantasy. You can make that your escape before you get too overwhelmed. Create a happy place in your mind that you can always run to when the darkness becomes too much
3. Sing. This may sound weird but singing does help clear anxiety. Sing a happy tune, a soft hum, or whistle a bit, it helps clear your head a bit and relieves the nerves. Don’t say you have a bad voice or can’t sing. Sing because you need it.

Fighting the tears
The urge to cry so strong
Fighting the fears
They’ve tortured her for so long
Very little friends, non-existent peers
Will she forever be sad and forlorn?

It begins as a nervous tick
It builds in her chest, a growing bubble
On her deepest fears it begins to pick
As she walks she starts to stumble
To the knees it renders her weak
On her words she begins to fumble.

She locks herself in her room
She feels safe away from her triggers
Yet the darkness still decides to loom
She toys and cracks her knuckles and fingers
Out of nowhere the thoughts at once boom
The aftermath of her day still lingers
Why can’t I be normal, she starts to fume
Will she forever be prone to little triggers?

♡darkheartemoji♡🖤.
~Thecodedpoet✍🏽.

This has been quite a long blog, right? I do hope it has been helpful. My panic attack has faded and well, I was supposed to tell you why I had a panic attack that triggered me into writing this blog. However, that will be a story for a bonus blog sometime soon. A leak though; it was triggered by the dark. It’s a very silly story that shows how anxiety can come from the littlest of things.

To you who may be experiencing or having panic attacks so often, you can control it. If I can, so can you. So power on.

Thank you for reading this far. I wish you lovely days ahead.

Do read The Selection by Kiera Cass. It’s a novel series that I am sure you will love as much as I do.