YOUNG ADULT RELATIONSHIPS

Many little kids dream of finding the perfect love, having the perfect wedding and a quaint little or huge family. They look at the relationships around them, maybe parents, siblings or guardians and imagine of having something even better. Sometimes they don’t. However, even as they grow older, the need, the pressure, the yearning, the want to find love in a world where loneliness is easy to come by, grows more and more. As they morph into young adults, the realization that maybe the clock is ticking too fast and the life they had dreamt of, the careers they visualized, the love they yearned for, needs to be made a reality hits.

When we imagine or dream of things that we want, we often have a clear image of what works and does not work for us. We create a sort of checklist, sometimes subconsciously, of what we want and what we definitely do not. Some people call them standards (which have been a subject for many internet wars recently), some people call them expectations (realistic or unrealistic, depends on the perceiver) and some people call them non-negotiables. I am going to focus on these expectations in terms of young adult relationships, and from a sort of Gen-Z perspective.

Unless you are the Grinch that stole Christmas, you must love love and you must want love. Now, considering we, the young adults of this time, have come into adulthood at a time when social media is just everything has imposed some issues on us (sorry not sorry Gen-Z, we all know it’s true). From our teens, when we began experiencing intense emotions, feelings and changes in our lives, we have had social media literally at the palm of our hands. We see couples everyday and so-called couple goals, we see our friends in love (more recently many getting married and starting these cute families), we see our favorite celebrities date, marry, have kids, have drama, divorce all on social media. There has even been a huge surge in couple youtube videos over the years. Tell me why I go on YouTube seeking epic fail videos but stumble upon  many suggested videos of couples pranking, vacay-ing, and doing all these things. Needless to say, social media subconsciously plays a role into the expectations most of us have of relationships.

Someone once said, you are what you eat, see and do daily. Coming across these goals and also dramas, shapes our views and how we treat our everyday relationships, sometimes even without us knowing. Some of us become delulu (delusional) because this celebrity was proposed to idk in some exotic location. We start to treat these goals that we see as the ultimate standard for relationships. (Good for you though, brotherman or sisterwife! Staying delulu is the solulu). Sometimes we see this person going above and beyond for their significant other but it backfires (finds out they were cheating, or any other way it goes) and we start perceiving that as the ultimate lens through which we look at relationships (simps huona dust).

Thing is though, relationships are hard.  Another tough pill to swallow is that you just cannot turn off or have zero expectations when venturing into a relationship. It is nearly impossible because as humans we are wired to like one thing or the other, to yearn for one thing or the other and to need one thing or the other. So, what is one to do about these expectations when getting into a relationship? I have few tips, which work for me and help keep me sane and maybe they will help you.

1. Have realistic expectations. Since as humans we always have expectations, at least ensure they are realistic enough. If you will want something out of a relationship, at least gauge and see if it is possible. For me, I made peace with the fact that no man will gift me a trip to Mars, unless I bump into an alien, so well, sigh.
2. Voice them out to your prospective partner. Thing is, we end up so unhappy because we have all these things we wanted out of a relationship but they are never fulfilled. Your partner is no angel and they cannot read your mind. Speak it out, be it before or after. Discuss it and if it is viable enough to be a deal breaker, now you know and you can move on or find a way to bypass it. However, expecting that a man or woman will magically figure out your wants and needs and how you want to be loved and shown love, is insane.
3. Be patient and do not be greedy too. If you have your expectations and maybe noone is meeting them, then be patient and wait for the right person who will do all that (that is if they are realistic). By not being greedy, I mean, do not be that person that is not satisfied. Maybe you are expecting a partner who will take you for fun hikes and camps, you get them, but all of a sudden, what they are doing in that capacity is not enough, you now want to be flown around, the next month you want to be bought for a private jet. Well, I am not saying that it is bad to want the finer things in life, but understand your partner and do not be too greedy. Else, you will go seek them out elsewhere whilst trying to hold on to what you have and as they say in Swahili, Mtaka yote hukosa yote.

I read somewhere recently, that the expectations you have for a man or a woman especially when it comes to material things, should be things you can do for yourself. I will not agree with or oppose that statement, all I will say is, that’s a whole other blog on its own.

Be smart enough to know what you can stand for, what you need, what you can live with and what you want. Life is never that easy and love is not easy as well. Whatever concoction it is that makes us feel love, we have to only hope that how we handle it enables it and us to thrive and not be ruined. Be assertive and stand for what you believe in, even your expectations, however delulu.

That is all from me today, as I celebrate two years of blogging today. Adios.