BEAUTY STANDARDS?

I am beautiful, I know I am and I have no absolute doubts about that. Some would think I am beautiful, others would think I am drop-dead gorgeous and others would think I am just plain old dull. I was browsing through Quora, reading articles here and there, you know burning time and all, when I came across this question that someone had answered. The question was “What are the advantages of being ugly?” The response by one Precious Matovheke had me almost shedding tears. It was one of the most touching things I had seen and reflected quite specially into some experiences that I had growing up. Click on the link to read more of it: https://qr.ae/pv59GW

That response triggered a certain part of me that I had always kept tucked into a neat little corner of my mind. For those who may not know me, I am dark skinned, melanated, or chocolate skinned. I am not that dark, because with where I come from, majority of us have the dark pigment, only in varying shades. Regardless of this factor, and especially with the rise of social media coming at a time when I was a teenager, just starting to develop and find a sense of self-esteem, I was quite lost. See, black has not been the standard of beauty until recently. This brings me to what I intend to write about: beauty and its standards.

Beauty, according to the dictionary is defined as a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight. If you were to ask me, Pat, what is beauty? I would say that it is the aesthetic quality of the object perceived as good, pleasing or satisfying. From this, one can quite understand the saying: beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. How then, does something qualify to be beautiful? What makes someone be beautiful? What are the standards of beauty?

Standards of beauty are one factor that is difficult to do away. They have been existent since time immemorial. They are a sad part of reality, that define what beauty is on the basis of what society deems as good and lovely. Such factors that are embedded deep in our consciousness are difficult to abolish from society. It all starts from the very core of having favorite colors and favorite dishes to having a specific height or shape. These are things that we automatically detect even without trying. There were times in history when plump with fair skin was the standard of beauty. Another time, foreheads were the standards of beauty such that women would pluck hairs from their hairlines just to achieve it. There were yet other times when white was the standard of beauty and people would go to the extents of bleaching products and plastic surgeries to attain that standard. Times have been there when having pigment was the standard and people would use tanning products to have that tanned pigment.

In my opinion, standards of beauty come and go and change as the societal trends change as well. In an age when everything is aired on social media and is available for everyone to see and go along with at the palm of everyone’s hands, one can easily be lost. For young people struggling with their identity and trying to find their place in such an evolving virtual world, it can be detrimental to their esteem.

I am a believer that beauty should not have standards. I feel that the standards of beauty most of the times leave those who do not attain them vulnerable to emotional turmoil. We have to agree that society’s standards leave people prone to bullying. From body-shaming, to colorism and racism, to height discrimination, all these are all as a result of standards of beauty.

I am beautiful. I do not have to be tall or short, skinny or plump, light or dark, black or white, petite or thick for me to fit within that bracket. Beauty does lie in the eyes of the beholder. If you, the beholder, do not view me as beautiful, keep it to yourself. Do not bully me into feeling like I have to attain certain standards to be worthy to you. If I am too tall, find a short person. If I am too skinny, find a plump, thick person and move along. If I am too dark, find a dark person. Do not come at someone with your own optical, aesthetic issues, making someone uncomfortable with who or what they are.

My views may seem to be based more on the feminine side, and they are because women suffer from this, and I am a woman. I do know that standards of beauty affect men as well, with some people viewing tall, dark and handsome as the standard and base. My view and thoughts still stand. If you like tall men, leave the ones who are not alone and do not make someone feel bad for it.

We live in times when without knowing it, we cause each other more harm than good. To those who bully others based on such petty standards, shame on you! It is quite saddening that such thinking could still clog your mind at such times and age. Yes, this segment may sound deeply personal, and it is, because we drive each other to points of no return with such comments and thoughts. I have friends who have reached points of starving, or overfeeding and even withdrawal simply because of such. I have been the friend that was starving, overfeeding, and seeking ways to attain certain standards of beauty. It is not easy being there and I write this because I do not want any other of my friends to feel as if they have to fit into a certain box just because standards demand so.

I am beautiful. I may be tall, I may be short, I may be dark, I may be light, I may be petite or I may be thick, I may have beards, I may be bald. I am still beautiful.

BE BOLD! BE COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. As long as you know it, no other opinion matters.

Wow, that was a lot to unpack. It has been a minute since I published, I blame school and exams and nightblindness and adulthood. I cannot promise any frequent publishes, but I shall definitely try to write more. Thanks for reading this far, and for still being around. It means the world. Much love from me to you.